Saturday, December 8, 2007

Taking a stab at it!

Okay, I have never had a blog before. I have never assumed that anyone would remotely care what I have to say, and I'm sure no one does. I am just writing to hear myself talk! LOL

My life is amazingly boring. I am going to be 57 in a little over a month, and I can hardly believe it. I never thought I would live this long. I led a very wild lifestyle when I was young, never thought I would live much past 30. If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself. Because of my many excesses my body is falling apart more than normal. I have such a long line of ailments it isn't even funny. Insulin shots and pills rule my life. I am just so sick of having to take a dozen pills and 5 shots a day and I'm still not healthy, just maintaining a mediocre lifestyle. I want so much to be healthy and vibrant again. And I am working on it... one day at a time!

I go to work every day and do my job to the best of my ability, but my mind is always thinking "Will I make it to retirement?" And when will I be able to retire? Am I going to have to work until I'm 70 because I didn't plan well for retirement? And I also think constantly, "What if I lose my job, what would I do?" My job is based on my centers performance and it doesn't all just depend on me. Sometimes the outcome is out of my hands and dependant on what other people do. That can be really scary. And due to physical limitations I can't just do any job. I can not stand for more than 5 to 10 minutes at a time, so I need a job where I am sitting most of the time. Anyway I am always in fear of losing my job and my income.

On Valentine's Day 2008 my dh & I will have been together for 30 years. He is the love of my life and I couldn't imagine life without him. We are just perfect for each other, we love and respect each other and enjoy each other's company. I couldn't ask for more there.

Anyway, I'm done writing for right now. I have some scrapbooking I need to get done. I need to finish my Christmas cards and get them addressed and in the mail. I don't know when I will write some more, but I feel better now just from writing down my thoughts.